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Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

Subject:Monster Mondays - 12 Great Monster Dads
Time:9:59 pm.
Today a very special Monster Mondays looks at the famous fathers of monsterdom. As a soon to be dad, I'm interested in what each of these earthbound abominations can teach me about what makes a good parent, and what makes an unholy creature of the night.

Monsters are ranked in order of parenting skills.



12. Dr. Victor Frankenstein.
While I normally live my life by the motto WWVFD? when it comes to parenting the good doctor is about as bad as it gets. After creating a man out of corpses, he neglects to name it, insults its looks, abandons it, and then hunts it down to kill it. It's clear in the book and many of the movies that the monster sees Victor as his father, and since the Doctor never gave him a proper name, the family name of Frankenstein is absolutely as the only name of the creature. Frankenstein deniers say the only Frankenstein was Victor, a statement the Dr would find a relieving since it takes up his position of denying his creation its family and humanity. Frankienstein's Monster my ass. And if that wasn't bad enough, Dr. Frankenstein is no more capable of parenting when it's his own flesh and blood and not a reanimated corpse. Son of Frankenstein is alienated and spiteful of his father, who was always more a mad scientist then a family man.

See Dads 11-1 after the jump



Tuesday, June 9th, 2009

Subject:Monster Mondays - Celtic Halloween Spirits
Time:6:14 pm.
Earlier I wrote on Celtic origins of Halloween and the important changes that took place with the Holiday in America. Today for Monster Mondays I'm going to look at the early Monsters of Celtic Halloween. The traditional holiday bears little resemblance to the Halloween we know now. It was not a celebration of death, horror, and thrills, but a harvest festival and new years eve celebration. The most important practices involved fortune telling, making predictions for the coming year, and it was believed that on this day ordinary rules did not apply, and souls, spirits, and fairies could be present on earth. Most descriptions of what souls,spirits, and fairies visit earth are rather vague, but a few specific supernatural creatures are named. As is usually the case, the first at the party are the first to go, and I don't think I've ever seen any of the Celtic Halloween monsters doing the Monster Mash or out trick-or-treating.



Cailleach Bheur -Also known as Cally Berry (no relation to Hallie Berry), Old Woman Winter, The Blue Hag, The Storm Hag, and The Veiled One. In all respects, the Cailleach is a god and not a monster. She is the embodiment of winter reborn every Samhain/Halloween and turned to stone, or to a tree, or to a young woman every Beltane. Her staff can freeze anything with a touch and she is the gaurdian of the animals. Some say she carvedthe Mountains of Scotland with a hammer and pick. She once fell asleep while pumping a well, flooding the valley and killing hundreds. That valley is now Loch Awe.



Aillen Trechenn, The Three Headed Monster.

More after the jump,including this sexy witch


Thursday, June 4th, 2009

Subject:Decorations for 5 Haunted House Scenarios
Time:8:46 pm.


The following are some of the suggestions we give anyone setting up a Halloween Party or Haunted House. Props we can provide are linked. All Halloween props are available for sale or rental. Email BJ at BJ@Dapppercadaver.com for a quote or more Haunt scenarios and suggestions. Note the importance of actors, timing, drama, and atmosphere as well as props and effects. Be sure to add eerie lighting and sounds!



Scene 1: The Dinning Room:
A long table is set with piles of bloody body parts and partial human corpses. Gothic tabletop candelabras sit on the table and 5 foot tall floor candelabras are around the sides. On the walls are hung changing portraits, grotesque taxidermy and bloody curtains. A vulture perches on one chair, a decomposed skeleton in another. Platters are covered in small bits, eyes, fingers, tongues. Other plates are piled with intestines, hearts and livers. Two actors sit at the table in costume feasting on edible brains, hands, hearts, and faces, instead of silverware they use dissection instruments. Another actor or animatronic is on the table moving and screaming.



Scene 2: Butcher shop
The next 4 Haunted House Scenarios after the jump

Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009

Subject:You're Invited to Drawing Blood at Dapper Cadaver on Thursday June 5th
Time:6:04 pm.

On Thursday June 4th, I'd like to invite you to Dapper Cadaver's first free after hours art event, "Drawing Blood"

WHAT: Drawing Blood - Once a month, The Dapper Cadaver Prop House opens its studios in the evening for a free evening where artists of all kinds are invited to come by and use our unique collection of props, oddities, scientific specimens and equipment, and Halloween decor as models for their art. Sketching, illustration, painting, sculpting and more are encouraged. Props can be artfully arranged to suit your needs. Coffee and snacks will be provided. Most evenings will be free form, but check out our mailing list and blog for info on special nights featuring live models and special instructors. Email me if you're interested in modeling or instructing. Commercial photography and video not allowed.

BRING: All your own art supplies. We have some chairs and stools but if you need one you may want to bring your own. Any food or drink.

WHEN: 6:30pm -10:00pm, the first Thursday of each month.
March 5th / April 2nd / May 7th / June 4th / July 2nd / August 6th / Sept 3rd / Oct 1st / Nov 5th / Dec 3rd

WHERE: Dapper Cadaver Prop House.
7572 San Fernando Rd, Los Angeles, CA, 91352 (near Burbank)
North side of San Fernando Rd (Little San Fernando Rd), Across the tracks from Sofa U Love.

CONTACT:
BJ Winslow
bj@dappercadaver.com
818-771-0818

MORE INFO
www.dappercadaver.com
www.bjwinslow.com
www.dappercadaver.com/blog

Best regards,
BJ Winslow
Owner-Artist
Dapper Cadaver
NEW PHONE # 818-771-0818
CELL PHONE # 310-709-8691
NEW ADDRESS 7572 San Fernando Rd, Sun Valley, CA, 91352
www.bjwinslow.com
www.dappercadaver.com

Images from the March 5th Drawing Blood
















Wednesday, May 27th, 2009

Subject:Girls of Dapper Cadaver Part 1
Time:3:07 pm.
Just got through a photoshoot with models Jezebelle X and Radhika from Art of Bleeding. Photos are by Marianne Williams.

embrace death

Model: Radhika. Photographer: Marianne Williams. Props: Dapper Cadaver Skeletons

Bone Waltz

Model: Jezebelle X. Photographer: Marianne Williams. Props: Decayed Mummy

More photos here

Tuesday, May 12th, 2009

Subject:Monster Mondays: Tyrannosaurus Feathers
Time:9:57 pm.
Today, Dapper Cadaver's Monster Mondays has some sad news. Word is pouring in from China of new Dinosaurs, fluffy and covered with delicate colorful plumage. First it was the Velociraptors, once proud ninja's of the dinosaur world, now just toothed roosters, complete with cocks-comb and dwaddle. More recent finds of fluffy dinos include several Tyrannosaurids. The greatest real monster to ever walk the earth is about to get a make-over in fabulous feathers. It's absurd. Imagine you're in a broken down jeep on Jurassic Park, you hear a thump, the water in your cup does that dino sensing thing that you keep cups of water in the car for, then you hear a deafening "Gobble-gobble-gobble" as the largest turkey you've ever seen steps out of the woods.



It hasn't happened yet. The feathered Tyrannosaurids the Chinese have discovered aren't the King beast, Tyrannosaurus Rex, just his scrawny uncles and cousins, but storm clouds are gathering on the distant pasts future. In 5 years time our children won't be able to tell Big Bird from Rex, and in 10 years time I wouldn't be surprised if we stopped calling Tyrannosaurs, Drommeosaurs, and Oviraptors "Feathered Dinosaurs" and started calling them "Toothed Birds." It must be stopped. If we can make Pluto a planet again through through the shear force of nostalgia, then science be damned, we can keep TRex scaly and terrifying. Join me!

The idea of wearing feathers sickens T Rex's only living relative, Godzilla.



But Godzilla may not be the only surviving radioactive mutant T Rex for long, apparently, one of the scientists who worked on Jurasic Park (I knew it was a true story!) is working on genetically engineering Chickens to give birth to mutant chicken-osauruses. I couldn't make this stuff up.

Kids need scary monsters to eat there smaller toys and to team up with Batman in kids crayon drawings, to fight cowboys, give King Kong a run for his money, and, scientifically speaking, be 51% MOTHERFUCKER, 49% son-of-a-bitch.


Will T-Rex still be the motherfucker we love and fear if he goes from this to this?


In closing, I would like to once and for all establish T-Rex as the scaly Tyrant King of Pimps by giving the people what we always wanted- Tyrannosaurus Sex



If you'd like to support the keep T-Rex scaly movement, you can help by buying a Tyrannosaurus skeleton.

Friday, May 1st, 2009

Subject:You're Invited to Drawing Blood at Dapper Cadaver
Time:3:18 pm.


On Thursday May 7th, I'd like to invite you to Dapper Cadaver's free after hours art event, "Drawing Blood"

WHAT: Drawing Blood - Once a month, The Dapper Cadaver Prop House opens its studios in the evening for a free evening where artists of all kinds are invited to come by and use our unique collection of props, oddities, scientific specimens and equipment, and Halloween decor as models for their art. Sketching, illustration, painting, sculpting and more are encouraged. Props can be artfully arranged to suit your needs. Coffee and snacks will be provided. Most evenings will be free form, but check out our mailing list and blog for info on special nights featuring live models and special instructors. Email me if you're interested in modeling or instructing. Commercial photography and video not allowed.

BRING: All your own art supplies. We have some chairs and stools but if you need one you may want to bring your own. Any food or drink.

WHEN: 6:30pm -10:00pm, the first Thursday of each month.
March 5th / April 2nd / May 7th / June 4th / July 2nd / August 6th / Sept 3rd / Oct 1st / Nov 5th / Dec 3rd

WHERE: Dapper Cadaver Prop House.
7572 San Fernando Rd, Los Angeles, CA, 91352 (near Burbank)
North side of San Fernando Rd (Little San Fernando Rd), Across the tracks from Sofa U Love.

CONTACT:
BJ Winslow
bj@dappercadaver.com
818-771-0818

MORE INFO
www.dappercadaver.com
www.bjwinslow.com
http://www.dappercadaver.com/blog/horror/drawing-blood/

Best regards,
BJ Winslow
Owner-Artist
Dapper Cadaver
NEW PHONE # 818-771-0818
CELL PHONE # 310-709-8691
NEW ADDRESS 7572 San Fernando Rd, Sun Valley, CA, 91352
www.bjwinslow.com
www.dappercadaver.com

Monday, April 27th, 2009

Subject:Monster Mondays: The Mysterious Lemur Boy of Qatar
Time:6:25 pm.
Today's Dapper Cadaver Monster Monday comes from a hot tip that came out just this weekend. The English language "Gulf Times" ran a translation of a Qatar story that featured this creepy photo, and the following text



"A mysterious figure resembling a human being was sighted on the Doha Corniche’s parking lot, according to a report published in a local Arabic daily.
The report is based on the statement of an Arab expatriate lady who said she had seen the strange figure near the Oryx statue while walking in the area.
Quoting the woman, the daily said she took a picture of it in spite of being terribly frightened.
“She was very soon surrounded by a large number of people who also attested to the fact of what she had seen . But it suddenly disappeared out of their sight when they tried to go near it,” the report added."


Some have speculated it's an escaped Aye-Aye, a kind of hideous lemur native to Madagascar but known to have hilarious adventures adventures in other parts of the world thanks to their anthropomorphic penguin pals.



Or is the creature a Canadian made genetically engineered living toy? Find out after the cut
Click Here

Monday, April 6th, 2009

Subject:Monster Mondays - Bonnacon
Time:6:43 pm.
Bonnacon is really a creature where the less said about it the better. So I’ll just go straight to the source. Pliny the Elder, author of the worlds first Natural History Encyclopedia and one of ancient Greece’s most brilliant writers. His Natural History is over 160 volumes long and holds the closest thing we have to a complete record of Greek knowledge at that point. He must have thought no one would possibly read the whole thing when he slipped in this gem.

“Pliny- “There are reports of a wild animal in Paeonia called the bonnacon, which has the mane of a horse, but in all other respects resembles a bull; its horns are curved back in such a manner as to be of no use for fighting, and it is said that because of this it saves itself by running away, meanwhile emitting a trail of dung that sometimes covers a distance of as much as three furlongs (half a mile), contact with which scorches pursuers like a sort of fire.”

Yes, Bonnacon is Buffalo followed by half a mile of flaming dung. But words aren’t enough to convey it’s might. We need ridicules illuminated manuscripts of knights getting buffalo shit on them. Better bring a shield.

Click the link to see Bonnacon doing what Bonnacon do best

Monday, March 2nd, 2009

Subject:Monster Mondays - Dolichocephaloids
Time:7:14 pm.

Todays Monster Monday from Dapper Cadaver travels down the spine of the Americas to Peru, circa 2000 years ago for a kind of person bizarre and real, the Dolichocephaloids or Peruvian Coneheads. There is currently a video going around getting a lot of attention saying they were found in Siberia. This video is wrong, they are from Peru.


What we do know about the Dolichocephaloids is limited, what we believe about them is vast, and what we don't know about them is enormous.

What we do know - These guys had really long squash shaped heads. They were human. They lived in Peru roughly 2000 years ago. There were a lot of them.

Most had brains the same size as other humans (1400-1600cc) others had larger brains, up to 2000cc or 2 liters. If you want to experience how much larger that is get a human skull and fill the brain case up with soda. Empty a whole 2 liter bottle. Whatever spills on your desk is how much bigger their brains are then ours.
What we believe - leading scientific theories about the coneheads is they were an elite class of Peruvian, they seam to show signs in their graves of wealth and power. They do seam to be a class rather then a race of Peruvians, as they are almost always found with many normal people around them. It is believed that the conehead shape was achieved by binding an infants skull at a very young age to warp its growth. We believe they believed these deformed skulls would give them power, possibly mystical powers.

Pseudo-science believes these people are human-alien hybryds, a lost race, mystical mutants, psychics, telekenetics, and more.

The documentary "Indian Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" explains a lot of these theories.

It's also possible they deformed their skulls for the sake of beauty, similar to the beautiful deformities of foot binding and augmented breasts.

Some believe the deformations were done as punishments. Although it is known the Peruvians would often use mutilation as punishment against conquered peoples or enemies, the Dolichocephaloids seam both privileged and deformed in a way that could not be done quickly against someones will. However, recent findings of a conehead in a lower-class village with clearly mutilated bodies is extremely mysterious.

Since we haven't shaped a human skull into that form in over 2,000 years, we only can hypothesize, and not test, how it was done and what effect, if any, it had on the persons brain and mental abilities.

Friday, February 20th, 2009

Subject:The Mummy's Womb
Time:11:29 am.

the mummy's womb, originally uploaded by Boju.

Eileen and I are super damn proud to announce we're gonna be parents!

The baby is almost 12 weeks old, which puts it at the start of it's second trimester. Eileen got photos and saw the baby wave, here it is below


That's his head on the left, feet on the right,and that light blob near his head is his (or her) hand. We don't know the baby's gender yet,because they don't grow any until closer to the fifth month. I tend to call it a him because I don't like calling it an IT. It's about doubled in size in the last month,going from being gummy bear sized to being fun-sized snickers size.



If we could get a real photo instead of this batman style sonar image, he would look like this


The baby is healthy with a strong heart and growing at the right rate. I missed the last picture session because Eileen thought it was going to be just a checkup with no paparazzi, but I was at the first one 4 weeks ago. You can't tell in the photo, but during the live ultrasound you could see it's heart beating as a pulse of light, E.T. style. You could also hear the heart going wooshwooshwoosh. Seeing that and hearing that was probably the most amazing thing I've seen in my life.


Tuesday, February 17th, 2009

Subject:Monster Mondays: Oscar Worthy Horror
Time:8:02 pm.

HA-BUTLER-1, originally uploaded by Boju.

The Academy Awards, AKA,the Oscars, have a notorious history of nominating dramas beyond all other categories. In fact 49% off all the Best Pictures out there are dramas, according to Oscar. Fighting for the left over scraps of best picture awards are the genres, in order comedy, epic, musical, action-adventure, war, suspense, and crime. Horror doesn't make the list, having only one win for best picture 90 years. And if you're wondering about how comedy came in second, you're not alone. According to the Oscars the greatest comedies of all time include Tom Jones (1963), The Sting (1973),The Apartment (1960), Terms of Endearment (1983), Driving Miss Daisy (1989), Shakespeare in Love (1998) and American Beauty (1999). Hilarious?

While they seldom win best picture, or anything at all, some really landmark horror films have been nominated for Oscars. Here's a history of Horror at the Academy I like to call
"The Phantoms of the Oscars"


1927 - Metropolis
Nominations: 0
Winner for Best Picture: Wings
Why it should have won: Metropolis is a ground breaking picture way ahead of it's time in calling for sex robots and middle management. The special effects are still mesmerizing as is the performance of Bridgette Helm.
Why it didin't Win: Too weird, too nihilistic ,too German.
Verdict: Oscar the Grouch!


Nominations: 0
Winner of Best Picture: Cavalcade.
Why it should have won: Groundbreaking special effects, infectious enthusiasm. Hot monkey on girl action.
Why it didn't win: Oscars known anti-monkey prejudices.
Verdict: I think Oscar is trying to make it up to the original King Kong by giving an Oscar to every King Kong since and even that imitator Mighty Joe Young. Unfortunately all this just feels like a slap in the face. Stop awarding the copycats and just give a honorary oscar to the OG already.


1935 - Bride of Frankenstein
Nominations: 1
Wins:0
Winner of Best Picture: Mutiny on the Bounty


1939 - The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Nominations: 2
Wins: 0
Winner of Best Picture: Gone with the Wind



See the rest of the nominees after the jump


Friday, February 13th, 2009

Subject:You're Invited to Drawing Blood at Dapper Cadaver
Time:5:08 pm.


On Thursday March 5th, I'd like to invite you to Dapper Cadaver's first free after hours art event, "Drawing Blood"

WHAT: Drawing Blood - Once a month, The Dapper Cadaver Prop House opens its studios in the evening for a free evening where artists of all kinds are invited to come by and use our unique collection of props, oddities, scientific specimens and equipment, and Halloween decor as models for their art. Sketching, illustration, painting, sculpting and more are encouraged. Props can be artfully arranged to suit your needs. Coffee and snacks will be provided. Most evenings will be free form, but check out our mailing list and blog for info on special nights featuring live models and special instructors. Email me if you're interested in modeling or instructing. Commercial photography and video not allowed.

BRING: All your own art supplies. We have some chairs and stools but if you need one you may want to bring your own. Any food or drink.

WHEN: 6:30pm -10:00pm, the first Thursday of each month.
March 5th / April 2nd / May 7th / June 4th / July 2nd / August 6th / Sept 3rd / Oct 1st / Nov 5th / Dec 3rd

WHERE: Dapper Cadaver Prop House.
7572 San Fernando Rd, Los Angeles, CA, 91352 (near Burbank)
North side of San Fernando Rd (Little San Fernando Rd), Across the tracks from Sofa U Love.

CONTACT:
BJ Winslow
bj@dappercadaver.com
818-771-0818

MORE INFO
www.dappercadaver.com
www.bjwinslow.com
http://www.dappercadaver.com/blog/horror/drawing-blood/

Best regards,
BJ Winslow
Owner-Artist
Dapper Cadaver
NEW PHONE # 818-771-0818
CELL PHONE # 310-709-8691
NEW ADDRESS 7572 San Fernando Rd, Sun Valley, CA, 91352
www.bjwinslow.com
www.dappercadaver.com

Monday, February 9th, 2009

Subject:Monster Mondays- Dumbo Octopus
Time:6:42 pm.

dumbo-octopus, originally uploaded by Boju.

Today Dapper Cadaver's Monster Monday Blog dives down to the bottom of the sea for one of the strangest, and rarest creatures on earth- the Dumbo Octopus.

They live all over the world in depths of 12,000 feet and below. They've discovered new species of them as recently as 2007 and while most are 20cm and below, some grow to over 5 feet. If you're in Sarasota, Florida, then I highly recommend visiting the Mote Marine Laboratory which is offering lectures and encounters with their favorite sea monsters, including the dancing pink elephant with the weird ear-wings, the dumbo elephant.



Watching the Dumbo Octopus swim is like watching a bird crossed with a pac-man ghost. It flaps its wings instead of jets around like it's blue water cousins. It also has unnervingly human eyes, complete with what appears to be pink eye lids, whites, and irises. Their familiar eye just adds to their oddness though, as there is nothing else familiar about their face, and you can't figure out which end is the front.



Closer to the ground they move by spinning and fluttering their webbed arms like a pinwheel.

The males are armed with a tentacle-like hectocotylus, which is a word you really ought to know if you watch enough anime.


Monday, February 2nd, 2009

Subject:Monster Monday - Ugjuknarpak, the giant sea mouse of the north
Time:7:00 pm.

7swims, originally uploaded by Boju.

Todays Monster Monday by Dapper Cadaver comes from the Inuit (eskimo) people of Alaska, behold the mighty Ugjuknarpak! The unkillable sea-mouse of the sea that is also a giant!

Ugjuknarpak's name derives from the gurgling sound his victims make as he wraps his long prehensile tail around their necks and drags them under. His friends call him Ugjuk for short. Ugjuk doesn't have any friends though, because no one goes near Ugjuk's island. Ugjuk has exceptional hearing and speed, and a hide that cannot be pierced by any hunters weapon. Try kayaking over to his place and you'll be dead before you leave the harbor. All that will be leftis your overturned canoe.

Do not f*ck with this mouse!


Saturday, January 31st, 2009

Subject:I'm in LA Weekly!
Time:7:48 pm.
If you're in Los Angeles, pick up this weeks LA Weekly. It's free and worth every penny. There's a full page feature on Dapper Cadaver with a full color photo and everything. It's a great article and gives you a good behind the scenes look at the oddities we make and the oddballs we make them for.

Read the Dying Art of Dyeing the Dead in LA Weekly here


Monday, January 26th, 2009

Subject:Monster Monday - Memecoleous
Time:7:33 pm.
memecoleous
Today's Dapper Cadaver Monster Monday creature comes from India, by way of Europe. You see there was a lot of disagreement over what exactly a Manticore was. Some described it as a lion with the head of a man. Some described it as a lion with wings. Some described it as a lion with both the head of a man and wings. Some said it was like a were- lion that men turn into. Some described it as a lion with the head of a man, huge jaws with three rows of teeth, the tail of a scorpion and a voice like trumpets. This man was Pliny the Elder and he was considered brilliant. Some said the Manticore wasn't actually part lion but part tiger. This was crazy and clearly wrong, so they decided if a Manticore was part tiger instead of part lion it was a Memcoleous and it must be from India because that's where tigers are from. This helped a little, but they still couldn't decide what a Manticore was and only agreed on the lion part. This is probably because no one has ever seen a Manticore.

This is not a Manticore but it might be a Memecoleous.

Monday, January 19th, 2009

Subject:Monster Monday - Killer Geese
Time:7:52 pm.

monster goose, originally uploaded by Boju.

By now you've probably heard America's borders are under attack. Canada has launched an armada of killer geese in an attempt to shoot down American aircraft. Earlier this week, US Airbus 320 was struck by a flock of Canadian Geese, taking out its engines, and forcing it to crash into the Hudson River. Fortunately everyone survived, but be warned, killer geese are intent on striking again.

As part of Dapper Cadaver's Monster Mondays today I invite you to gander at a gaggle of ghoulish geese.


Dromornis- The Great Goose of Armageddon
Dromornis were flightless geese over 10 ft tall that ate meat and plants and terrorized Australias first aborigines. These were basically dinosaurs dressed in goosedown. And there wasn't just one of them, there were dozens of species, including the giant, carnivorous Bullockornis, so named because a giant killer goose sounds like a load of bullocks.


Dasornis - The Toothed Terror of the Sky.
These geese could easily take down a plane, since they were almost as big as a Cesna.Dasornis had a wingspan of 20 feet, and a long crocodile beak lined with jagged teeth. The circled the shores of England 50 million years ago.

With such monsters in Gooses not to distant past, it's no wonder they're so prone to attack, whether by chasing you in the park or shooting down on passenger planes. So grab your pitchfork and light the torch, it's time to storm the castles of killer geese


Tuesday, January 13th, 2009

Subject:Count Bacula
Time:5:27 pm.

loxodonta penis anatomy, originally uploaded by Boju.

The Bacula Research Project (BRP) needs your help! The group is studying the variety of bacula found in the mammal family and is trying to locate a few unusual specimens of baculum.

"WHAT'S A BACULUM?" you're probably asking. It's the penis bone. Now don't get excited, you don't have one. Humans are amongst the few animals that don't have bacula. Along with Koala Bears and duck billed platypuses, when we get a hard on, its hard from blood pressure alone. Other beasties get an erection with no viagra necessary, they're hard as a bone in seconds because they have a bone there already.



I was recently contacted by a researcher for the Bacula Research Project in need of a few specimens.

The first is the American Hog-nosed Skunk (Conepatus leuconotus). Found in the American Southwest this skunk is distinguished from other skunks by a single, solid white stripe down it's back and a bald, pink nose. If you don't mind getting intimate with skunk dick,
Contact me.



The other two creatures are both moles.
Coast Mole (Scapanus orarius) Townsend’s Mole (Scapanus townsendii). Both are found in the Pacific Northwest. For these we'll probably need the whole specimen, as the mole penis is an organ so minute they respond to every male enhancement add they see, or to quote the BRP "The bacula from these two species of moles are less than 0.5mm in diameter and would require a microscope to confirm. Unless you know what your looking for and where its located, the baculum located in the distal portion of the penile organ would be removed along with the dermal skinning of the carcass. The baculum is a heterotopical bone and therefore not part of the skeletal system."

Contact me if you're in the north woods and interested in trapping moles.


Wednesday, December 10th, 2008

Subject:Monster Mondays - Real Vampires of the Animal World
Time:5:59 pm.

vampire bat, originally uploaded by Boju.

Every so often I get someone in the shop who asks me if I think vampires are real in a tone so serious I know if I say "yes" they'll offer to suck my blood. So I usually dodge the question.

Of course I know people can and do drink blood, but that doesn't make someone a vampire any more than hiding eggs makes you an Easter bunny.

There are however a host of real life creatures that live on blood, have retractable fangs, and fly through the night in a way far more vampire-like then any mortal human ever could hope to be. They are the real life vampires and they will be scored by how much more vampiric they are then the guy in Twilight.

1. The Vampire Mocking Bird


How alike are vampire mockingbirds and real vampires? Consider the following.
1. Both can fly.
2. Both live off blood.
3. Vampires preferred victims are buxom maidens in skimpy nightgowns.Vampire mockingbirds preferred victims are masked boobies.
4. Vampires are notoriously eloquent. Mockingbirds have the most versatile vocal range of any bird and can memorize over 200 unique songs patterns.
5. Lily Munster, a vampire, lived at 1313 Mockingbird lane. Vampire Mockingbirds, which are found in the Galapagos, have been spotted nesting at 3131 Lily Munster lane!

Overall Vampiric Score for the Vampire Mocking Bird- 5 times more Vampiric then the guy in Twilight.

2. Vampire Squid.



How alike are vampire squids and vampires? Consider the following-
1. Vampires only come out at night. Vampire squids are only found in the sea depths where it is always night because no light penetrates.
2. Both Dracula and Vampire Squids are noted for their demonic red eyes.
3. Instead of canine teeth, vampires have fangs. Instead of suckers, Vampire squid tentacles are covered in fangs.
4. Vampires where capes that resemble bat wings. A vampire squid has a webbing around it's tentacles that resembles both a cape AND bat wings. Bonus points!


Overall Vampire Score for the Vampire Squid- 4.5

3. Vampire Finch


Pretty much the same as the Vampire Mockingbird, but without as much of a voice. However, bonus surprise point for being menacing while still a finch.

Vampire score: 4

4. Chinese Water Deer


Holy crap, did you see that? Does that deer have fangs?





Dude. Not only does the Chinese Water Deer have fangs, but they're attached to their sockets with powerful muscles so that the can be extended and retracted just like a vampire!


Amazing! But they don't drink blood or fly. Vampire score: 2


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